Let's try Love again

Ruminations on life, love, heartbreaks, and on being a foolish dreamer

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Strangers with memories

What I know for sure is that nothing last forever. A smile you once thought was genuine, a wish you once made, a love you once thought was forever.

Nothing is permanent. Everything eventually drifts away, and changes. Just like the seasons.

Life is a revolving door. Nothing can stay the way it is. People come, people leave. Life begins, life ends. Love happens, and love ends. Strangers become lovers, and lovers become strangers. We are two strangers, with a lifetime of memories, pain, hurt and damaged love.

We lie to ourselves, and to each other, that we are happy with others. Deep inside we know we messed up, badly. Deep inside we know we could give anything to have it back, and keep it from going bad. Deep inside we know we were perfect. Deep inside we don’t understand why we are not together. Deep inside. That part of us which we run away from. That part which tells us we are incomplete.

The empty side of the bed laughs at me. My deep inside pities me. I hate that he is with her. I hate that he is happy. I hate it all. I hate it.

walking_away_91

Why he lingers..

This is a great article on why some people are always with us, even though they are no longer in our lives. Our subconscious mind never leaves them, even though we do. Distance, space, time.. no matter what comes in between you two, if someone has left an imprint on you, they will linger. Until someone else comes along and makes a new, lasting imprint.

Why You Can’t Let That One Person Go, No Matter How Hard You Try

 

Should you?

Should you be with someone you want or with someone who wants you?

They’re only words..

"Viewing note book journals,
 like landscapes lost in time,

words that wove like tapestry.

Yellowed paper,
thin blue lines,
tear drops smudge the ink marks,

a life of loving you

undressed imagination

penning pages 
of someone I once knew.."

~Zephyr 
on 11/02/2015 (the last time you said you loved me)


Once upon a dream..

 

Once upon a dream, your lips were one with mine. Once upon a dream, I felt your touch again.

I felt pieces of your love. Pieces of memories, and pieces of you.

Once upon a dream, I was reminded of a love that once was. Of a dream that once married reality. Once upon a dream, I felt your lips on mine. When all things were good and pure. Once upon a dream.

——————————————–

tukdon mein pyaar kiya hai maine

khwabon ke tukdo ne mujhe behkaaya hai

ab tukde jab dil ke sametein hain

tab un khwabon ke tukdon se hi dil behlaaya hai

——————————————–

I have loved him in pieces

Pieces of a dream that caressed me

Pieces of a broken heart

Pieces of a kiss, of a gaze. Linger on.

——————————————

Umre lagi kehte hue, do lafz thay ek baat thi..

Woh ek din sau saal ka, sau saal ki woh raat thi

Screen Shot 2014-10-02 at 11.43.33 PM

I miss waking up with that faint smile on my lips. That anticipation of talking (or not talking) to someone. I miss wanting to share my tantrums and my wisdom with someone. I miss being in love. I feel like I have forgotten what it feels like.

The train ride home

Sometimes I secretly wish. I wish he would walk into this train right now, see me and quietly sit next to me. I then tilt my head to lay it on his shoulder. He raises his hand to gently guide my head to rest safely on his shoulders.

I close my eyes as I sink into his embrace.. my forehead resting on his collar and his scent ushering me into this calming,  reassuring sleep.

image

I never want this train ride to end. I never want any words exchanged between us. Only silences, and us. In each other’s presence. Just this once. Just us.

The three words

I know you want to hear those three words from me: “I forgive you”. I could say it today, except, I did not learn how to lie.

I learnt a lot from you. About friendship and love. About God and Humans. About heart and mind. I am glad I did not learn how to lie. I am glad I did not pick that up. I cannot hide, I cannot conceal. What you see with your eyes is what there is. The depth in my wrinkles, the half-smile on my lips, the questions in my eyes, the scar on my left arm. They tell true stories. Stories that reveal themselves. Because I did not learn how to lie. That part of me, is still mine. The rest, I am trying to reclaim from the wreckage you left behind.

woman painting by emilia wilk 9

Here’s the thing:

Here’s the thing:.

Have you ever?

before sunrise

Have you ever attended an event or a party to “make new friends”? You were your most extroverted and vibrant self, talked your best talk, walked your best walk. You’re confident, you’re meeting people, making friends, exchanging numbers. You dance, you drink, you dine that night, and all seems good. You’re content that you signed up for it, you went and made ten new friends.

Then you hop into the train to get back home and the stranger sitting next to you starts a conversation with you. And that conversation is the only thing that sticks with you for the rest of the day. That conversation is the only thing that warmed your heart that day, and in a long time. And those eyes and that voice is the only thing you want to hear the next day. That journey is the only journey you want to take tomorrow. You’re not as excited about the ten new friends you made the earlier day – who were demographically, culturally more like you. Unlike this stranger who is from another world.

Have you ever been in such a situation?

Is it your vulnerability? Is it the draw of the unknown, the mysterious? The New and Amazing? Or is it the attention you got from him that is making you feel this?

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